50,000 Calories

I'd have to eat almost 50,000 calories on Thanksgiving to gain back the weight I've lost...I actually feel like I'm capable of that, haha.

So, yes, Thanksgiving is upon us, and I'm pretty nervous about it.  I LOVE the holidays.  From Halloween through New Years I'm always just a little bit happier than usual.  Even though I'm a grown up now and don't get nearly as many Christmas presents as I used to, I still love the season...the commercials on TV, the lights on houses, the weather, the sales, everything...especially the food.  Now here comes the nervous part:  Since, well, birth, the holidays have always been about food for me.  When I was little, we ate off of Thanksgiving leftovers for almost a week.  So it wasn't just one day of stuffing ourselves to the absolute max; it was a full week of turkey and ham and pie and my grandpa's "famous" banana pudding.  I've decided to lower my calorie intake from 1400/day to 1200/day for the week of Thanksgiving.  On Thanksgiving day I'm going to try to eat somewhere around my maintenance calories (a little under 2000).  As I said before, I don't really consider what I'm doing a diet as much as it is a lifestyle change, but I'm dreading the conversation that will surely transpire when I don't load my plate to maximum capacity:
"That's all you're eating?"
"Yeah."
"It's Thanksgiving!  Ya gotta get more than that!"
"(Awkwardly) I'm trying to watch what I eat."
"Ohhh, that's good!!"  Followed by the uncomfortable feeling I'll get because I'll think everyone is thinking, "Oh, the big girl is trying to lose weight."
Now, I'm sure (or I hope...) that's not what the aunts and uncles and cousins I only see once a year will actually be thinking, but I'm pretty sure I'll feel that way.  If you've never been severely overweight, you probably don't know the feeling I'm talking about.  It's almost like admitting you did something wrong and being embarrassed about it.  Which, it sort of is that.  I was eating wrong for years and years, and now I'm embarrassed about what I've done to my body.  I'm not ashamed to tell my immediate family and close friends about my weight loss goals; they've all been so unbelievably supportive.  They've cooked meals they know I can eat, counted the calories for me, asked me if I wanted to go to a specific restaurant that they knew had healthy choices, and so much more.  Most of the family members I see on Thanksgiving are pretty uppity and judgmental.  On the bright side, knowing they know I'm trying to lose weight and they more than likely suspect I will not succeed will be a pretty big motivator for me to keep going.
Speaking of motivation, my boss is one of the people aware of my goals, and he's been extremely supportive.  We've always been close.  I knew him before I started working here, and we're pretty close in age.  Every time I see or talk to him, he says, "So how many pounds have you lost now?"  Knowing he's going to ask gets me very excited to continue to lose weight.  I weighed myself on Sunday and (drum roll, please) I'm now at 247 pounds even.  I've lost 13 pounds in 30 days, and that's really motivation enough to keep going.  That's more than the 2.2 pounds per week goal I set for myself, but I've also been incorporating more walking into my plan.  I only work 3 days a week, but on those days I work 13 hours per day.  It's really hard to exercise on those days, and I don't get all that much exercise at work, so I really try to kick it up on the days I'm off.  Luckily I have a 15-year-old sister who really enjoys exercise, and she's been my walking buddy on those days.  So I get my exercise, and as an added bonus, I get to spend time with the best little sister in the land.  It's easier to eat right on the days I work.  There isn't a whole lot around my office, so lunch is at pretty much the same place every day.  Since I drive an hour and 10 minutes to work, I have a quick breakfast, and I usually make a quick dinner after my hour and 10 minute drive home.  The meals I eat on the days I work go something like this:

Breakfast
Thomas Better Start High Fiber English Muffin (Plain) - 100 calories per 52g serving
Banana - Calories vary depending on size (get a digital food scale! You'll love it!); mine are usually somewhere between 100 and 130 calories
Coffee with Splenda and half & half (usually around 70 calories...it depends how much half & half I use of course)

Lunch
6-inch Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki Sub on Flatbread from Subway (with lettuce, green peppers, onions, and sweet onion sauce {no cheese}) & Subway prepackaged apples - 380 calories for the sub, 35 calories for the apples

Dinner varies almost every single night.  I usually have some kind of sandwich on those Pepperidge Farm Deli Flats (100 calories per roll).  I LOVE them.  Sometimes I even put them in the George Foreman with some chicken breast or turkey on them so they're more like a panini.  So good.

I love love love the Skinny Cow ice cream bars.  They're 100 calories per bar, and they taste like something I'm "not supposed" to have.  Perfect. 

Anyway, like I said, I'm a little worried about Thanksgiving.  I feel like "cheating" won't be such a big deal next year, but here in the beginning, I'm a little worried about it.  I don't want to feel like I'm missing out on anything.  I guess I'll just do what I normally do when I get a craving...have what I like in a small portion.

I'll update on Friday and let you know how bad (or good?) I was.  Happeh Tanksgibbum!